They are not me

Today i learnt that people were not hard by nature

they were taught that being hard was the only choice they had to survive

“man up or be beat by others in life” 

“everything’s a competition”

“lose out once and you’d lose out in life”

something that played in every single thing they did

something that resonated with me in every single thing i did

“don’t try to be an overachiever” they told me

“you were never cut out for this” glaringly

but when my heart hardens

I hate the person I see

I learnt from that day on not to listen to what they have to say about me

because they fail to realize

that with good faith and hell lot of hard work

everything is possible when you believe

and nothing really matters

if they are not me 

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xx cal

“Life is tough my darling. But so are you.”

Coming back to write on this space strangely feels more and more foreign, especially when I’ve not written in quite a bit.

Work has been pretty swamped, the issues the seniors face get more and more daunting as their generation gets left behind amidst the fast and furious rise of technological advances as they fight to hold on to what they knew. One of my cases flew a very long , long kite that I ran so hard for, making me feel like a complete and utter gullible new bred physco. I come home to so many thoughts a day but I try to keep them contained as I head to bed each night.

Social work doesn’t get easier sometimes, especially when sometimes you feel extremely lost at what to do. But I guess that’s the challenge too, because one shoe never fits all.

In the meantime, despite my rantings and ravings of work- I would like this to be a space for leisure and thoughts. I’ve always thought that writing would be a skill to pen down all my thoughts into a space- as well as to improve my writing and command of the english language since I started blogging when I was in secondary school. Work aside…

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The kids are growing up so fast. My baby niece and nephew learning how having a sibling is the bane of existence and terror 

I was sick for the last 1.5 weeks with a on/off fever and cold, flu and sore throat and boy was it terrible. The first doctor I went to gave me a day’s mc, told me to rest and gave me the common pills (paracetamol, cough syrup). I dragged my body 5 days non stop to work and finally on sunday Leon dragged me to the clinic. Guess what? I learnt 3 things that day.

1- the first doctor was a quack.

2-I was suffering from a viral throat infection and needed antibiotics to clear. The second doctor told me I should have been prescribed antibiotics the first time to clear it and

3- I was blessed to have a doctor who kindly told me to take rest in bed and gave me a whopping (1+2) 3 MC long rest. Well, his drowsy medications were the way to go, and I did nothing but sleep the whole 3 days. img_9876-1

Aside from that…. I also finally completed both my Basic Theory Test (BTT) and Final Theory Test (FTT) at Ubi last week finally Whoohoo!!!

With theory out of the way, I can finally just focus on my practical lessons and hopefully finish soon with a driving license. For all those who asked why I chose school to private, I’ve come to realize that I really work and learn better by structure. Without it, I crumble/become lazy/make excuses and also I really wanted to start as soon as possible and finish without keeping to my private instructor’s schedule. Also lastly, no one could recommend me private instructors for my school’s centre. So eventually, I decided to swap from private candidature (which i signed up for when i was 18 lol) to school.

img_0005Just a side note for those who didn’t pass the BTT or FTT the first time, I would really reccommend you guys to take the e-trial tests that they offer because the questions are exactly/close to what they’re going to test you. The Etrial test gives you a total of 12 speciment papers to try and each session lasts about 45 minutes. You can try as many as you want and at the end of the paper they let you review your mistakes.

Because of the etrial tests that I attended (I attended all 3!) I passed the first time for both BTT and FTT and it was really worth it! Was really happy and pleased that I didn’t have to do it all over again because honestly I forgot how hard working and studying was especially when your motivation to do anything after work is just a -1000000.

And yes I opted for a class 3A autocar license because I think I will be a bad driver and my sister told me most cars are auto now (i hope?) so I decided to just opt for the easier option, as everyone says.


 

The weekend was one of the last few things I’ll have left to enjoy, really because I’ll be working all saturdays on the month of May. I’m dreading it not because of the scope, but more of the fact that waking up at 5.30am on a saturday morning feels terrible, especially on a train from east to west. But! I shall look at it with another fresh perspective that perhaps, if I did indeed never have to work on saturdays, I would never appreciate free saturdays as much as I do now. See that’s the thing with entitlement, I suppose.

This weekend started off great. I’m still nursing my cough, but it is a lot better as compared to when it first came about. The coughs sometimes keep me up and wake me up at night still, but it’s getting progressively better. I woke up on saturday morning and shortly after Leon came by and told me to continue sleeping, because he wanted to do his own things and make himself some leftovers for breakfast. I lazed around and watched some korean drama and was pleasantly surprised when he came in with a bowl of piping mac and cheese just for me (my favourite!!! ah!!!)

Yes been watching the korean drama “heal me, kill me” but so far, nothing beats “innocent defender” ever. HA YEON AH!!!!!!!!!! (You have to watch it to get the same feels i’m having right now as I yell, CHA MIN HO!!!!!!!!!!)

By the late afternoon we made our way to Leon’s grandma’s place to have dinner with the family to celebrate Uncle & Auntie’s birthday (their birthdays are 3 days apart) and Alicia brought us to Hai Di Lao @ vivo City. It was my first time there and I was SO impressed by the service.

1- though the wait was 1-3 hours long, we were given tables, seats, snacks, fruits, drinks, ice cream (free flow) at no cost at all.

2- They had gelish manicure service and a playpen/area for children.

3- They are right smack in the middle of vivo so you basically can just walk around when you’re bored.

4- They provide you with bibs, plastics for your phone (in case the soup drips on your phone) and a screen wiper for your phone. They also provided me rubber bands for typing my hair so I  could eat.

5- They have a bar with seasoning and their fruits are free flow.

6- Their soup was excellent. We had the tomato soup and the chicken broth. Both was so good.

Leon didn’t let me buy any gifts for his parents. When I asked why he said, “No. We don’t do that. Don’t be weird.” #thebiggestirony

Sunday morning rain is falling…………  (I wish)

Woke up at 6.45am to the alarm and then asking other people to check if it was raining because I was praying it would be the perfect excuse to sleep in. But it wasn’t *inserts cries of despair here* and so, I trudged to the park for a morning run. Not going to lie to you, the first 15 minutes were quite torturous.

As the sun rose the heat was more intense but I tried to listen to music and tune my thoughts elsewhere. I’m happy to say I managed to finish a 4km run that very morning. Celebrated by eating breakfast at Ya Kun and then later in the afternoon going to meet the boys at Jalan Kayu for our usual prawn mee session.

By the way, I’m very disappointed that Blanco has increased their prices from the old price of $4 a bowl to $5.80 within the span of less than 2 years. But selagi remains the same which we love, as well as the old school otah that we go to and not to mention, my favourite Jane’s cake station chocolate cake that I love. Yes! the 4km was worth it hur hur hur. 

Not to mention, had no monday blues this weekend because my monday was a team bonding event in the morning at Clay Street!!! I finally got to make my own mug since the last time I made my own mug when I was in Primary two yay!! Can’t wait to see how it comes out after they fire the clay up. So excited!

Last but not least, I’ve been hooked on this FREE game called fun hospital. Remember the game theme hospital as a kid??? This is pretty much the same concept. building, running and hiring and firing people etc. I love it.

Okay spent almost 45 minutes crafting out this post because my pound class at the CC got cancelled again (3 times within the last 5 sessions) and I’m extremely frustrated because I paid $60+ after $30+ sg credit waivers. I think maybe I’ll just sign for a monthly gym pass to the public gym next time because it’s so annoying when you hype yourself up for a class and then they decide to cancel the class and send you a sms only 15 minutes before it starts…….

you should have seen me and Sarah’s face.

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meanwhile, have an amazing week you guys!!!

xx

One of the best weekends of 2017

Friday afternoon: my office and little mini Zhang intruders! Bribed them with weather originals sweets and the small one didn’t know that he couldn’t bite it- but still bit it anyway.

Friday evening: Coldplay’s concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdict: Amazing. Need I say more?

Teared up when oldies like the scientist, fix you, yellow and paradise came on. Though we only managed to get the cheapest seats ($78+4 Booking fee) it was well worth the view. Leon brought Binoculars so we could see Chris Martin up close. The whole concert was like a dream. After the concert, we ended up at brotzeit with beer and wedges- the perfect post concert combination ever.

Saturday morning/afternoon- slept, slept and slept

Woke up in the evening for a massage session with Auntie Helena and Leon, who then brought us out for dinner at Uncle Leong’s @ Punggol for crab bee hoon. BEST BEE HOON EVER. Made a joke of Leon @ Leongs. It’s been a long standing joke at work from my colleagues that Leon is the owner at Leongs because of the similarity of his name. Lol lame, I know. But still made him pose behind the signboard anyway.

Sunday morning: Day didn’t start out as planned. Leon got a ticket parking. We drove to balestier only to realize we forgot our bibs- and ended up driving back to the east to get them. Arrived at the starting point >35 minutes into the race but long story cut short- we did it!!!!!!!!

Yay to 10K at #2xucompressionrun2017 *pops confetti*

This was by far the best week of 2017.

I couldn’t be more thankful and blessed with the care, concern and love from the people around me. This was a reminder for me to be grateful in times of doubt and adversity, and also to always, always- choose happiness.

 

 

you cannot win a fight against someone’s perception

Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And –

“A man convinced against his will

“Is of the same opinion still.”

 

The cny weekend 2017

It’s a little late but, Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

I promised myself a 10pm bedtime tonight but I figured the longer I drag this post the more things I’d forget. Chinese New Year is always a time for me to remember my roots and spend time with my maternal relatives and family. I spent most of the time answering questions whilst eating bak kwa, pineapple tarts and love letters (one stick in one finger with 4 fingers of love letters, thank you very much lol) and all other snacks and goodies.

The rest of the time, I spent listening to stories and conversations between my mother and her siblings. It kind of made me wonder whether I’d ever sound like that 50 years down the road with my own siblings. The cutest thing that happened was my eldest aunt who decided to take out a BINGO set during dinner and play it as a gambling game. Eventually as the night died down at reunion dinner, I tried to stay awake to follow the custom of living out for my mom’s longevity.

“You catholic what! Why must you believe this sort of thing?”

Why? Because I am chinese. This is a chinese custom of tradition.

Come to think of it, the act itself is not that we truly believe that staying up late will definitely increase the longevity of our parents. But it is because we as chinese know of such a custom, and we know how much our parents appreciate this custom. As such, we do it out of showing our respect and love to our parents. My mom actually popped her head in my doorway at 1+ am after cleaning up and went, “wah. Still awake ah? Staying up for my longevity is it? Don’t worry lah I’ll survive” and chuckled as she closed the door. That’s right, we chinese people are incapable saying “I love you” to our parents but we show it in getting A’s for our examinations (clearly I haven’t shown my mom I love her much ha-ha-ha).

But in retrospect that was how my mother showed me she appreciated me following my chinese customs and traditions. She is weird, and I am no better than a chip off the old block of her.

I was also reminded of my lovely Aunt Ros who is my mom’s younger sister. I was 14 and had just entered secondary school and my mother was busy with moving house and settling down that Aunt Ros took me to buy my school uniforms and books.

My uncle Huat who is my mom’s younger brother also then offered to send me to school in the early mornings as he said it was on the way to work. He dropped me off quite often in secondary 1 and 2 and then stopped when I was older and more settled into school. It wasn’t until much later that I found out he only started work at 9am….

When I was 15 they had guitar lessons for class and there was a special rate for guitars. I really wanted a new one for the classes instead of using the lousy ones that the class had. Aunt Ros upon hearing that, gave me over $100 to let me buy that guitar. I was over the moon but 15 year old me didn’t appreciate it as much as how 25 year old me does now, learning the importance of working hard for your money.

One thing about my mom’s side that strangely resonates so well with me are their never ending acts of kindness for family.  This Chinese New Year, I am reminded that despite growing wings and learning how to fly better as an adult now (metaphorically, of course).

May we stay humble in humility, never forget our roots of who were the ones who were there to guide us and give us confidence to grow in them and ultimately, be the person we thankfully are today.