The idea of packing up and leaving everything behind 

When I was 9, i went to the UK to attend my oldest sister’s convocation. Even though I was still young, I remember being taught at the supermarket the difference between pence and pennies, eating candy whenever I could get my hands on them, and lugging around a yellow handbook of Rold Dahl’s best stories as I thought about witches who had squared feet hidden in shoes.

I never traveled further till i turned 22 and decided it was time for a change.

Today, as I sit on the train on my way to work thinking about the multitudes of work, school and assignments- i ask myself if this is really all there is to life than worrying constantly about doing your best, keeping your grades up, keeping your job and maintaining clear equilibrium in your life (which I feel is what I’m been trying to do all this time).I twas on a bus ride with Jared the other day and he said to me, “You can’t always chase the paper. You’d be very dissatisfied in life later.” This is someone my brother lives by on a day to day basis.

There are times when things get too overwhelming, and i dream of leaving everything behind-booking a flight and getting out of my little world in this little red dot. This morning feels like one of those days. But not because I don’t love the people I have around me (be it work, school or otherwise), but because I know this semester, being the toughest one to it- will take forever to be over. And all I feel now is dread.

Travelling makes you realize how small you are in such a big world. It makes you acknowledge that kindness can exist in a complete stranger. That racism still exists in other parts of the world. It makes you realize how small our little red dot is in comparison to other countries. And it makes you appreciate what you have, and envy what you don’t.

I miss travelling and leaving it all behind. But then I remember that we are all called to do something. Then I ask for strength and wisdom to get me through and get up and going.

Last semester of university life, #letzgo.

Exam Week

Exam week summed up:

  • Life as a nomad, running from libraries to houses to half contemplating whether to go up to my neighbour’s house upstairs to tell them to stop drilling/banging whatever they were doing at 10am because it was disrupting my revision
  • Then chickening out 15 minutes later, uprooting myself and heading to my brother’s house because I was never really that good at confrontation.
  • Last minute revision (again). I had originally tried studying two weeks prior to the exams but studying after work never bade well with me.
  • 5-6 hour sleep cycles, because revision ran till late at night. Waking up for work the very next morning and thanking God for a seat on the train before I closed my eyes and slept.
  • Dependable friends, who make me (slightly) more motivated to study, late night skype calls to video conference and share our verbal diarrhoea on past year exam questions and debate on correct answers

When the semester comes close to a close, it reminds me being a foot closer to graduation, a step closer to doing social work, and a step closer to making that difference. That really makes the motivation to work harder to reaching that end in mind. It feels like only yesterday when I blogged that Year 2 was going to be perfect. In the blink of an eye, it’s really amazing that half a semester has gone by.

2 papers down, 1 more to go. And hopefully,2-3 more semesters till I graduate.

In the meantime, I’ll remind myself that action cures fear (my fear of failing lol brb)