pride: we all have it, but not everyone acknowledges how much it of a grip it has on themselves
but trust me when i say this
it hurts me
more than it hurts you
pride: we all have it, but not everyone acknowledges how much it of a grip it has on themselves
but trust me when i say this
it hurts me
more than it hurts you
Hi internet friends!
There was a time where I didn’t enjoy birthdays too much. Mainly because of the constant disappointments in life. Since then, I’ve adopted an approach of little expectation, little disappointment. It was hard to understand why I felt that way though, I never understood why till I grew older. It was difficult to admit that my birthday meant a lot to me.
However, as life left me completely dumbfounded, I began to grow into my shoes as a young adult. Aduting was something completely new to me, as I struggled to understand insurance, bills, taxes, giving back to your parents, social obligations and so on and so forth. Being open was something I learnt to deal with as time went by. Last week, I turned 24 on the 24th.
This year, I realized how I have been molded in so many ways through the friendships and people I have met over the last few years. I was extremely blessed and showered with so much love leading up to it that even I lost track of time.
Growing old is always a blessing and a privilege that not everyone gets to enjoy. Thank you Jesus for the wonderful 365 days of being 23, and for the selfless people in my life.
♥ ❤ ❥ ♥ ❤ ❥Thank you everyone who made this day amazing. I love you all ♥ ❤ ❥ ♥ ❤ ❥ ♥ ❤
As some of you already know, I usually help out with merchandise during the F1 weekend. I started when I was in polytechnic and was still a poor student then, and after much persuasion this year from my friends and loved ones, I decided to attempt to continue my streak and guess what? I survived this year’s F1 at my tent, marking my 4th Year catching the F1 Singapore Grand prix!
This year was slightly different though. For the last 3 years I was in a tent facing the Padang, which meant I could see the concerts live from where I stood. This year, I was moved to the Bay grandstand which had no such perk except one: to see the cars race live. I guess there are always perks and not so much perks to a job, I was a little bummed out because I had originally wanted to see Maroon 5 Live (and I saw on my newsfeed later that Adam levine was topless singing live?!) but progressively as the days went by i noticed that I felt less tired than I did the year before. Isabell was working with me this year too and she commented the same thing. It was then that we noticed that the Padang had a much bigger and demanding crowd for merchandise, and we were so lucky that we ended up at the Bay grandstand this year. *hooray!*
Unlike other years where we ended slightly after 1.30 in the morning, we ended no later than 12.30am on all days. I was so happy to finally be able to go home and take a shower! Working for F1 is not an easy job, I have to say. Not only do we stand for 10 hours everyday progressively for 3 days, we have only 50 minutes worth of breaks (20/30mins each time depending on your tent manager). But when you work with friends, time goes by pretty quickly with good conversations and girl talk! By the end of the day you’re so tired you just drag yourself home, shower and knock out till the next afternoon.
F1 was also meaningful to me and Bell and our friendship. I had originally not wanted to work and called her the day before, telling her I wanted to give up my slot because I was exhausted. Bell would then be alone to work the full 3 days and I felt bad, so I went ahead with working there. On our first day Isabell said to me, “Do you remember this time last year….?” And I nodded. “Look at us now, we’re both happy.” She said. We smiled at each other and laughed.
That was because one year ago when we both worked together for F1, we were at our lowest of low. I remember us both being extremely sad and upset, determined to make things better for ourselves. To be less vulnerable, to be more daring, to stand up for ourselves, to not give in to people who don’t deserve our trust. I remember the nigh we listened to Robbie Williams sing better man-and for a second, it felt good again. Hope is a dangerous thing to have, ladies. We spent the next night watching J-lo shake her bum off to Get right as we hopped while we worked. The night felt so surreal with the energy and the crowd that it was something worth remembering.
Hope you guys had a swell weekend! Lots of love always, xx
Hi everyone! After such a long hiatus, I’m back! After a good three weeks flying solo in Europe, I touched down on Saturday with barely a day to unpack and get my mind ready for work. My mind is still somewhere in the clouds, jet lag and approximately four to five hours of sleep a day. But in the meantime, while I take the morning trains to work, I still look back on my trip with fond memories!
Flying solo definitely wasn’t my first choice. I had originally planned to go as far as five years back. I wanted to do it when I was 18, but it was just so unattainable because I was a student then and not earning an income. I wanted to do it before I turned 21, but besides money being an issue, friends who wanted to come couldn’t make the trip and so on- the idea of travelling to Europe scared me. I’ve heard so much horror stories about being pick pocketed and it being very unsafe for a young woman to travel alone. When my friends heard what i was doing, they said, “Are you crazy?!” Finally, somewhere in January, I decided enough was enough. For me, 2013 and 2014 was tough enough, and I felt as if I was going to explode if I didn’t get away from everything here at home. I felt that by taking a long break alone somewhere completely different in terms of culture and people will be good for me.
That’s why- I decided to try………. Couchsurfing! Couchsurfing for me was extremely convenient. Not because it offered free nights at a host’s house, but because I was travelling alone and wanted to meet new people, experience new things, new cultures and build friendships around the world. I had joined couchsurfing a year ago but never really got on it. It was only early this year where I decided to host some travelers in Singapore and bring them around Singapore that I became more active on the site. Trust me, I have heard and am aware of the dangers of meeting complete strangers online, let alone staying with them in foreign countries. My mother not only flipped the chairs, tables and hit the ceiling when I told her, but eventually she understood why I needed to go and gave me ample respect as a adult to make my own choices, though she was worried for my safety beforehand. In this post, I have linked all the hosts and people I met with their permission to do so. I will not talk too much about them but rather generally, because I think the experience and impressions you readers would have should you decide to stay or meet the friends I’ve made will be on your own. This is because I hope to bring more awareness about Couchsurfing and it’s wonders, and also the fact that strangers are really, just friends you have yet to meet. With an open mind and heart.
I flew the morning after my brother’s wedding, and I sat Qatar. It was a 6 hour flight to Doha, and a transit of an hour at the airport before a 7.5 hour to Paris- which was my first stop. My journey began here! My mother had actually requested for me to take this photo while waiting for my sister to drive over to pick us up on her Iphone (She recently started using my sister’s old Iphone 5 and she’s learning, but I think she’s getting there).
As I checked in, I feared for myself tremendously. A lot came to my mind. Why was I doing this? Did I really want to do it? Did I bring everything? It was obviously too late to back out now, and I was freaking out on the plane. I even bought an internet plan on the plane because fear suddenly gripped me. What if everyone who told me I was crazy to go alone to Europe was right? That I will be robbed and murdered or worse sold to some sex slavery like the lead’s daughter in Taken? And then…
When I arrived at Doha’s Airport to transit, we were greeted by a pleasant surprise. Yup, you guessed it. We missed our connecting flight to Paris. Bam! This was the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. When my colleagues heard this, they laughed. “Who ask you to book only one hour of transit time? It’s definitely not enough!”
I was mad of course, because it was Qatar who should have departed from Singapore on time but instead we had issues and we only departed an hour later. I was going to say something to the man who told us the bad news, but then a bunch of French men blew into smokes,”What do you mean I missed the flight?!” “Don’t you know I have an appointment tomorrow morning in Paris?!” So I stood there and watched him get it, really badly. I felt bad for him so instead I kept quiet. People were really mad because the next flight out was 8 hours away. I mean, what were we going to do for 8 hours?
Panic filled me.
I need a solution, What do I do? Where do I go? How do I get to the hotel Qatar provided me?
Then I saw this girl who was holding a Singapore passport. She looked friendly so I asked her what to do. Instead, we ended up being friends and another girl who was also travelling solo approached us. We went to explore Doha together that day, it was pretty fun! We even went to the Islam Art Museum.
Later, after almost 7.5 hours on my second flight. I reached CDG Airport, Paris.
In Paris, I stayed with Caroline and David. You can check out their profile here. They’re a lovely couple that live about 20 minutes from Paris City’s center. David was kind and picked me up at the airport, and we spent some time in the morning getting bagels and talking. I met Caroline after who had just woken up and we had breakfast together. Because David and Caroline both work, I went out to explore Paris on my own.
I opted to meet another local to sight see. That’s when I met the beautiful Erika Rossi. You can check her profile here. As you know, Paris trains are so confusing and hard to tell or hear because I don’t know how to speak french, and also because I was super jet lagged and blur, I got lost somewhere along the metro. Erika was so sweet and came and picked me up somewhere along the lines, and we went to explore the city and chat! She was amazing and so nice. I really had a good time in Paris.
Paris is pretty safe. There are beggars on the streets who can be a little over the top, they go to your face and ask you for money by shaking their caps or tin cans, but if you just ignore them it’s ok. The only issue I really had was language, as most of the locals only spoke french. I loved the fact that the men here were extremely gentlemanly. They actually pushed open the train doors when they see females running for the train. Eiffel tower wasn’t as hyped up as I hoped for it to be, but still beautiful neither-less. And take at least a day in the Lourve if you’re the museum type of person (I’m not so I didn’t bother going).
Also, men and women both kiss to greet on the cheek. The first time was really weird because I wasn’t used to it, but after awhile I kind of got the hang of it. I suppose.
When I first wanted to go to Colmar, I was offered a place with another couchsurfer. However, that person backed out and I was at a loss, so I made a public trip to ask if there were any hosts available. That’s because Colmar has no hostels as it’s a very small town and hotels are very expensive. That’s when Thierry contacted me to offer me a place. Being a little scared, because he is a single male, the first thought was to reject him. But when I clicked on his profile, not only did he have 19 reviews of girls who stayed with him, but he received very good feedback on couchsurfing. I asked my mother and she told me to trust my gut instinct. And so I took the leap of faith. And Thierry, was amazing. Check out his profile here. He took me around Colmar and explained to me all the historical facts of Colmar, and he took the effort to drive me around to and fro from the train station. Also, cool thing to note- he has a basement with like 12 pinball machines, which he collects. We spent one night drinking beer and playing pinball, which he obviously beat me to because he’s so good at it! On my last night, his son cooked dinner with me as he helped to wrap the wantons while I fried it. It was a extremely nice cultural exchange! Thoughts on Colmar Their Bretzels taste pretty amazing, and their traditional houses are beautiful. It’s a place that you can finish in one or two days, considering it’s a small town. I definitely want to come back just to spend a day or two here because it was a very nice getaway from the ‘city’ sides of France.
I also took a day trip to visit Stratsbourgh, France. Check out their cathedral! It’s pretty amazing! I met HeeYoung through couchsurfing and we spent a few hours together in the city getting to know the areas of little petite and conversations over coffee. It was nice. Also, the toilets here cost $1.80 Euros for each time you enter. So try not to drink so much water. Especially if you were on a budget like me. I would rather pay for a sandwich and use the toilet in the restaurant.
I stayed with Christa, you can view her profile here! She lives in beatenburg, about a 20 minute drive away from interlaken west station. Christa, was the most vibrant girl I have ever met, I loved that she stayed in a farm with three chalets, and she let me experience the life of a farm girl. I played with donkeys, touched pigs, watched chickens run into their coops, held a chick in my hand and squealed. It was a really lovely experience! We also went hiking around mountains and saw waterfalls and beautiful lakes!
It’s a very close to mother nature feel country. It’s a whole different outlook from what we city girls see here in Singapore. I definitely want to visit Switzerland again. It’s on another to do list, for sure.
I booked an Air B&B which was really worth the price (Click here for the link), that’s when I met Massimo. He made me fall in love with Florence thoroughly, because he made my first experience on air b&b the most MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE ever. I kid you not. Not only did he win a superhost award from air b&b, he has 50 references on his profile! ( I was the 50th review). Massimo was amazing. I was supposed to spend a night in Cinque terre but due to time constrains I had to scrap that out, so I cancelled and forgo-ed a booking in a hostel there. I messaged Massimo to ask if I could stay an extra night in florence, and if I should book under air B&B or could I just pay him directly. His reply was, “It’s ok. Stay another night. It is free.” When I arrived, I paid to sleep in the living room on a air mattress, which is why the accommodation is cheaper than other air B&Bs in Florence- but was shocked to see that Massimo had given me his room to sleep in. It was extremely kind of him. He made amazing pasta for me that night and on my last night in Florence, he took me to see the sunset on his motorbike! Because of him, I left with a beautiful memory of Florence and we have stayed in touch since. He is really a friend worth keeping. Absolutely friendly and amazing. When I woke up on the morning I was leaving, Massimo left for work. but on the breakfast counter was a card he had written for me saying goodbye. I was touched of such a action! So really, if you ever go to Florence, choose him and you won’t regret it!
When I was at Saint Maria Novella Train station, I ran into this man drinking beer (I assume he was a drunkard) because on his way to the dustbin on my left, he hit hard into my bag and I almost fell over. Thinking it was an accident, I let it go. But after he threw the bottle in the bin and he turned to walk back in the same direction, he hit me again and this time I almost fell because i was carrying all my luggage (haversack in the front and back). You must really watch out for crowded public spaces on your belongings. But overall, Florence was still my favorite Itallian city, that’s for sure. Ponte Vecchio was beautiful, And you really have to wait for the later evenings, 8ish to 9ish to really see the reflections on Ponte. They’re famous for their gelato so that’s a must try. And it’s a walkable city so walk as much as you want, it’s ok to get lost because it’s pretty do-able to retrace your steps.
In Rome, I stayed in the hostel The yellow in a 6 bedded female dorm. One thing to note, the air-con is FREEZING. and you can’t turn it off. I wore PJ’s and two jackets while covering my face and body with the blanket provided but my teeth chattered to no end. It’s a central air con so there is no control. And it was very, very noisy. Even after midnight, I couldn’t sleep because the bar downstairs blasted music. The only good thing was that it was just opposite mama Angela’s which served good pasta. That’s about it. In Rome, I met up with Jennyfer and she introduced me to two of her friends, Marco and Stefano. We walked 15km around Rome at night and it was beautiful! I really enjoyed my night with them and Stefano even bought me ice cream. What a gentleman. I always had the dream to visit and take a picture with the Trevino fountain. To my dismay, it was closed for renovation. I did however go visit an underground track, because in the olden times, male athletes ran…… completely……naked. So women weren’t allowed to see them, so a track was made downstairs, whereas an artisan market now stands above those tracks on main ground. The history of Rome can be quite intriguing.
I stayed in a 14 bedded female dorm in Generator, Venice. Venice was nice and the hostel was extremely clean. The only bad thing for me was that my bed light didn’t work. But their breakfast was pretty good! I met Olga (you can check out her profile here) and she brought me around Venice. She’s nice and friendly, and i learnt a lot about Venice’s history! Burano was nice, colored houses were pretty but it wasn’t AS great as I hoped for it to be. I went to Murano and witness some live glass making BUT most of the time you have to pay exorbitant amounts ($12 euros) just to sit in the workshops so I stood from the outside looking in . However in Murano, I was completely ignored at a pasta restaurant, they served 2 Caucasians behind and in front of me and looked blank through me, despite me trying a second time to point at the menu and ask them for a seat, they remained nonchalant, so I walked off. Guess Racism still exists, though I expected better from Venice.
I stayed with my childhood friend Carol in Eindhoven, and made a day trip to Amsterdam. This is one of the reasons that I try to explain about when people ask why my trip was ‘all over the place’, since people always started out in Venice and worked their way up or in London and worked their way down. The answer is: CAROL!!! She was busy in school and the only time she could hang out was in end June. Thus, the dates were made. Don’t you love me more now, Carol? *wink*
In Amsterdam, I ran into my IJ friend Marrilynne and her lovely family, and together we toured around Amsterdam together. The Anne Frank House is a must! The red light district was a eye opener, and though my plan was to try a few brownies for ‘exposure’, I decided against it because it shortened my travel time mentally. Also, the shops I ran by were so dodgy, It was almost ten degrees when I was there, I was so under-prepared for the weather!I kept hoping and jumping around to keep warm!
Amsterdam was really so-so in my opinion, i did have a very pretty painted picture in my mind of this place until i saw the red light district for myself, which included completely naked and bikini clad women shaking and dancing to passerbys in all shapes and sizes. It made me very sad, really. Though I understand it is a profession, I feel for the girls who are there by circumstance and not choice.
Final stop, London! I stayed in a 14 bedded female dorm in the oasis, St Christopher’s Inn. I didn’t really have a good time there because the toilets consistently got clogged when you showered (The waters rose to ankle level) and it was so noisy at night. It is very common to hear ambulances bleeping multiple times at two in the morning. And also, 14 girls shared 2 sockets. There were times some other dumbass in my dorm plugged out my phone that was charging when it’s only been charging for 10 minutes, and another morning when I woke up to 17% battery, I was so flipping mad. But the perks of this hostel was that I actually made some really good friends there, and they were all travelling solo.The hostel also lets you deliver stuff to the hotel (My sister wanted some mother-care items so she shipped a whole box over for me to take home) Also, the location is impeccable because you’re really within walking distance to the London Tower. Which is amazing! Give and take, I suppose. I caught the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime’s play and it was AMAZING. Definitely worth the price I paid for close to front tickets! In London, I lost my camera on the metro on the way to the Harry Potter Exhibition on my birthday. I felt so terrible after but after that I determined to not cry anymore over split milk. At least I had the photos from my phone camera. I came back to the hostel tired but found a package waiting for me from Mike, from the book of everyone! Check them out here!
I managed to take a day trip to Brighton and saw the beautiful Brighton pier. But I didn’t manage to get to 7 sisters in time because I had to rush back for my flight. It was such a waste! Oh well. Till next time.
This is a question that many of my colleagues and some friends asked when I came back. “How much did you spend on this trip on a whole?” And here’s my answer…….. counting in everything. Flight, accommodation, food, leisure, and transport. I traveled and spent approximately SGD $3.5K. Which I actually was shocked to find out when I came back. Disclaimer* This amount doesn’t count the things I splurged on using my debit card, like a fossil watch for my birthday in Florence ($108 euro), a long-champ bag that Caroline asked me to help her buy ($55 pounds) and a spree at Primark London ($120 Pounds) Here’s how I really saved through the trip:
I was lost in Rome (refusing to pay for the tram) and got lost. Then, I heard from the corner of my eye, a older couple. The woman went, “NOT HERE LAH! THERE LAH!” and I grinned from ear to ear. SINGAPOREANS!!!! I ran over to ask for directions and found out they were Malaysians, well close enough! While asking for directions to the Colosseum, this uncle took out HIS OWN TICKET for the Colosseum that he had just come back from (it’s valid for 2 days for 3 attractions and gave it to me). I was so touched and inspired that I decided to give back/pass on the kindness. So because of that, I saved $12 euros and could go to all these attractions in Rome. After I was done with the ticket, I passed it on to someone else queuing outside the Colosseum. When I was at the Vatican museum after finishing my english digital guide, I passed it on to someone queuing for it. I did the same at the Harry Potter Studios with my digital guide. Point is: I am no Saint, but the fact that all we need to do was to pass it on in order to make someone’s day- that in itself is a small action, but in the long run can be a big difference to someone else’s day. So guys, if you travel, please give back when you can! (BUT DON’T GET CAUGHT HAHA)
It was a very good trip away from the hustle and bustle of Singapore, and it was definitely what i needed. Murphy’s law indeed proved right, which is that what can go wrong, will go wrong. But with every trial that comes with it, be it a situation or unwanted scenario, I felt that I in turn became a little more courageous to explain or explain my viewpoint. There were lots of times when you needed to stand for yourself, especially since you’re alone in a foreign country, and to constantly map out your journey and get lost can get so intimidating at times. There was a point of time in Paris when the trains got so confusing that I was terrified to leave my host’s place alone for the fear of getting robbed or abducted, with no thanks to taken’s movie. But with time I learnt to just go with the flow, ask and seek for help, and if I got lost, to find the next best alternative. Running around Solo gave me a lot of time and space to think. It also gave me the freedom of doing what I wanted to do when i wanted to do it and how I wanted to do it. That was the real meaning of what it meant to be ‘free’ in my opinion, where your choices are not tied down to anyone or anybody’s opinion but by your own, and only your own. The most important take away of all was that on this trip I realized how small Singapore was, in the sense that there was SO much more out there for me to see. Someone once told me, if you spent 1/4 of your life on Singapore already, did you really want to spend the whole 4/4 of your life only experiencing what it meant to live here? That’s when I really realized that solo travelling was something I needed to do before I did the other big things I wanted to do in life. I don’t think I will have as much time as I did now, then I would in 10 years time when I wanted to pursue other things like a job, a career and so on. To be honest, I don’t think I would stop travelling if time and money did not stop me, I did not expect to enjoy the solo time that much. Before I left my sister told me that I made the wrong choice to travel solo to Europe, because it can get very lonely for one week, let alone three weeks. But funnily enough, (and this isn’t pride talking) I was alone, but I never once felt lonely. I have made such wonderful memories and great friends on this trip who I still keep in touch with on facebook and instagram. Over the last few nights when I go to bed, I felt so disorientated. It was as if I had really, lived a dream. This post took me approximately 3 days to craft out in between late nights after work and jetlagged mornings.Don’t listen to the people telling you otherwise. You’re not them, and they are not you. To the people who have had that nagging feeling to leave everything behind waiting for that sign, this is it!
Today, I watched my eldest sister get married. It was a very joyous occassion in the family. Alas, all my siblings are jumping on the hitched bandwagon! With my elder brother’s wedding coming up in June, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable when my own mother, chants to our relatives and friends at social gatherings, “four down, one more to go (meaning me)”. God mother. Please! I am but only 22. And don’t even let me get started on conforming to social norms and roles.
During this time of relatives and friends gathering to celebrate the holy matrimony of my sister and now brother in law, I was asked whether I had a boyfriend by one of my overly inquisitive acquaintance. I took the advice of what my colleague auntie Pat had told me to do. I gave the straightest face ever and said, “i’m lesbian.” Oh boy. You should have seen the look on her face. The awkwardness of it all that she felt made me wish I had popcorn to watch it on replay as she slowly inched away from putting me at the center of the conversation to my brother instead.It was a great personal victory for me, I was one to always fear speaking up for the sake of understanding what it means to give face and respect to the Chinese elders.
Aside from all the chaos of logistics and me living on an hour of sleep and coffee to get me fueled, i sat down on my assigned seat with an old family friend of mine. Uncle John was his name, and he was a man who was full of kind while we were growing up with strict disciplinarian methods. He turned to Charles and said, “Charles, why are you marrying Sarah?”
Charles laughs uncontrollably. We know there’s something to learn and we put on our thinking caps. We also know we could get laughed at for trying. Charles answers. “Well, she and I get along very well, and lets just put it out there that not everyone is lucky to meet their soul mates. I’m lucky I met mine at a very young age.”
Uncle John smirks as Auntie Angela nods alongside him. They share a glimpse and smile to one another. “Very good, Charles.” Uncle John chippers on. “But that was not necessary. The correct answer was simple. I am marrying her, because I love her unconditionally.”
I felt a smile creep over my face. A genuine one, as I listened to Uncle John, full with wisdom as he continued on.”The problem with marriages these days is that the young fail to understand what it means to love unconditionally. Through the good, through the bad and through the ugly.”
“So remember this. Life’s too short to forget to say I love you to Sarah, everyday.”
The difference between you and me is that I would have never done what you did to me, to you.
I am consistently trying to build up my life, with much effort and vigor. Striving towards my future with passion, contentment and fulfillment.
Home was a feeling in my heart, which stayed by me all along. My trust was never misplaced, just misused. My heart was never broken. My faith, never shaken. Don’t for a second think that you’ve made me think otherwise. Believe otherwise.You won’t for a second make me think that you are capable of change.
Time helps us separate the past from the present.You, my stranger. You belong in the past.
When i fear everything all at once, through the good and the bad days, he tells me, “because I met you, and the rest is history.”
My stranger. You, are history.