On people who strike fear into hearts

 

Sometimes in life, you meet people who try to second guess you. They question your intentions, they strike uncertainty in your hearts and feed on creating insecurity in the choices you have made in life. Your job, your career, the people you love, your outfit.. “Are you sure you want to do this? You will miss out. Your peers will earn more than you!  They will be able to afford things you can’t do.” The list goes on and on.

Upon reflection, it feels like these people are afraid. They are afraid of missing out something that they see in your life that they cannot have. They are afraid of taking that chance to do something different from the conventional, safe routes. Truth is, most of them don’t figure out what they want out of this life. They will find every opportunity to strike you down, hurt you or confuse you. But eventually,when the dust settles- you’d realize that some things are worth letting go. That they are worth letting go. Not because they are heavy to bear, but simply because they shouldn’t and are not yours to bear.

Go on child, don’t let them dull your sparkle. IMG_9377

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On Vulnerability and Love

Everything happens for a reason.

Recently, a close heart to heart talk has led me to realize how closed I have become as a person, and it scared me greatly. The real question was, when have I started being this cautious, terrified to step over the lines but to instead watch by the sidelines kind of girl? Being open to discussion and wearing my heart on my sleeve loudly has never been my strong suit. Vulnerability is something we all struggle with (unless we’re maybe, Adam Levine), I’m sure.

At work, I’ve noticed that one thing we choose to believe is in the very nature of goodness of the person, though it might not seem that that person can be redeemed on paper (debts, bills, criminal records). Most things are handled by the heart, based on goodwill. The only thing we look for is the willingness to change, and that drive to help those who want to take control of their lives. This has led to much disappointment, I’m sure. I was on the bus back home after school the other day and a acquaintance of mine ranted, “What’s the point of helping them? They’d come back 6 months later for money again! They don’t care about financial literacy! They don’t care about themselves!

But yet, 6 months later. When they arrive at the doorsteps of our office again, despite us being given the power to turn them away, despite the disappointment we feel in them, we don’t turn them away, nor a blind eye. We offer them another few months of all sorts of financial aids- all in the hope that they will learn. And change.

Likewise, I hope when people look at me- they look at me with the willingness to open their hearts to me in goodwill- and I in turn, learn to be more open to the idea of being vulnerable in goodwill, too.

We are all very loved somehow, sometimes greatly, sometimes meekly, sometimes loudly, sometimes silently.

We just have to want to see it enough.

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If you get lost, you can always be found.

xx

17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

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By Kovie Biakolo 

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way.

5. Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. Don’t always give in to her, but do let her win sometimes.

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.
9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it.

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words.

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced.

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before.

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever.