The news scared me out of my sleep this morning

How terrifying it is to wake up to news stating that a stabbing act of terrorism happened right in the heart of borough market.

To think I was just there less than 2 years ago, walking from my hostel to london tower and passing by the road leading to borough market. My eyes widened to the news on my phone of the incident happening at 5+ in the morning- Singapore time. I thought of all my friends who were in London. Some had already marked themselves safe on facebook, the others did not. I couldn’t imagine watching someone get stabbed right in front of me, let alone multiple times. How the survivors must have felt, going through such a traumatic experience.

Terrorism is real, and this isn’t limited to just London but to so many parts of the world.

With the current surge in terrorism attacks, it really brings me to wonder… why? And am I missing out a big picture here?

Advertisements

Be the friend you always wanted to have

As we talked I heard them say

“The outcome would have been the same if you had intervened.

Just that you would have ended her suffering earlier by doing something.

It was then that i felt everything in me

ebb away

Don’t hold grudges , you were once a friend.

I will always remember the good times we had and take that part of me with me wherever I go

img_0324

They are not me

Today i learnt that people were not hard by nature

they were taught that being hard was the only choice they had to survive

“man up or be beat by others in life” 

“everything’s a competition”

“lose out once and you’d lose out in life”

something that played in every single thing they did

something that resonated with me in every single thing i did

“don’t try to be an overachiever” they told me

“you were never cut out for this” glaringly

but when my heart hardens

I hate the person I see

I learnt from that day on not to listen to what they have to say about me

because they fail to realize

that with good faith and hell lot of hard work

everything is possible when you believe

and nothing really matters

if they are not me 

img_0338

xx cal

My Godma never fails to amaze me

I hope I never stop chasing everything I have hoped and envisioned myself to be as a person. It is easier said than done to always want to be the better person in times of anger, distrust and sadness. Some people achieve great things, they get a great career, but what is the point of achieving all of this when you disregard relationships at such a cost?

My Godma told me today, “Some people are afraid to leave a relationship, because they are afraid of starting over again. It’s too tiring, to start from scratch.

“I hope you don’t think I’m that sort of person.” I said.

I know, you aren’t that kind of person.” She replied, leaving me smiling from ear to ear. “Headstrong”.

Priorities may change along the way but I hope I never lose sight of what is really important. May I never cease putting my relationships to the people I love above my success in a career.

Thank you for your never ending words of wisdom.

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling

Saying goodbye for the first time

I had visited her on thursday where she was warded in the intensive care unit. There were tubes attached to her as she struggled to speak when she saw me. I told her to rest and not talk, but to focus on breathing. She breathed harder as tears came falling from her eyes.

After all, she was unable to grasp basic concepts due to her mild intellectual disability and childlike behaviour. It was possible that she was afraid of what might happen to her, and that made me sad. Reassuring her did not work.

The next day, I was told that the family members have decided to stop the machines. Though she was lucid, it was unlikely that she would survive and prolonging medical treatment could be fatal, eventually.

She passed away that afternoon, as the rains poured in the late morning. She was only 56, young and shy.

Social workers are supposed to care for our clients professionally, but as soon as we overstep that line of wanting to care remotely more, losing them can be a very, very painful lesson.

Saying goodbye is hard to do but I believe that going home is something to look forward to.