Drawing the lines

Growing up, she always said to me that I made it out to be that I was always the victim. I was the one who knew how to manipulate people into doing the things I wanted. I was a spoilt child who cried the most and was a terrible monster. I grew up being fully and well aware of her comments, thinking to myself that I was the monster she had made me out to be. I grew inclined to learn to be kinder to other people, because her words moulded me to imagine that I could become a person I was afraid to see.

I then became older and my eyes widened to the world. I remember how she supported my studies and encouraged me to apply for academic routes, only to stab me in the back as soon as it reached a discussion point. That was just the tip off the iceberg, but yet each time I tried to be civil, she would rip the rug underneath my feet.

I hear stories of the many chances she was given. I often questioned why she never gave me those chances. After all, I tried harder than she could have imagined or saw when it came to our relationship in the beginning. It was then that I noticed that she had habitually commented harshly on others. She would be nice and warm on days where it suited her, but on her bad days-she was brutally mean, selfish and difficult. She never stopped criticizing every single bump in the road that she chose to walk down towards. She hurt all the people around her, adopting a “it’s you not me” approach when dealing with arguments. She stood on a pedestal, high and above everyone else.It eventually grew too difficult to love her, and words shared became less to none.

The truth is once you take off those rose tinted glasses, you realize the severity of how the people closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most. I guess that’s why people find every opportunity to suss out relationships, determining who was worth investing emotionally more into than the other. After years of thought, I’ve come to learn one thing: the people who you love, can well knowingly tear you apart. They will disappoint you.

Some things are worth being disappointed for. But some things at the expense at your own emotional  well being are not.

I swept it under the carpet for years, till I decided enough was enough. One thing’s for sure-I will draw the lines as clear as night and day from now on.

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2 thoughts on “Drawing the lines

  1. Hi Cally! I’m assuming you’re talking about your mother? If you are, then we have a LOT in common…it’s hard to find a place in your heart to still care for someone who is so unwilling to see their own flaws and instead puts it on everyone around them. I hope you can find that place though although it extremely difficult. I used to get into violent, physical and verbal fights with my mother till no end…but in the end I realize that her own insecurities are what caused her to be so negative towards me. I’m not the monster she always made me out to be. I’m glad you know you’re not what she says you are either! That was one of the most difficult things for me to realize.

    1. Hi keira!! Thank you for your comment. No, this isn’t regarding my mom but this person played a huge part in me growing up. Yes, i agree completely with you, its so tiring to keep trying 😔 yes! You definitely dont seem like the monster you were told you’d be. Im glad too that you realised that her words hold no weight on you and your character☺️Thanks for sharing! Please keep in touch! Lots of love xx

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