June and it’s choices

Time check: 12.43 am. Wiping off the to-do-lists on the whiteboard for May, marking 43 minutes into the new month. June always holds a special place in my heart for me. Not only is it my birthday month, but it is also the month that marks the middle of another calendared year.

For me, turning 23 doesn’t seem at all enticing. Being 23 is a neither here nor there age, stuck within the realms of youth to young adulthood. How confusing. I thought I’d have gotten used to my amateur attempts at grasping responsibility by now. But nah. I think what I’m really doing half the time is winging it along the downtrodden path of uncertainty.

As I pack my bags for my upcoming solo trip, nervousness fills me. It didn’t help that my sister was watching taken the other day on the television and telling me how travelling alone can be extremely dangerous. Today, my other sister sent me a link to an article of a woman who got raped on a airB&B. geeze. Thanks siblings. Thanks. As if I’m not terrified enough already. Really. As my mother shakes her head while saying how unhappy she is with me going for safety reasons, I’m pretty sure she knows how much I want to go. She knows how much I need to go. “It was a bucket list!!!” I whine. Tickets were bought from my own pocket, leaving her less of a reason to say no, right? Tactful. Tactful. “I am, an adult after all, right?” I think to myself. Does it feel that way though?

I lamented on to let my mother ease up on the trip. “What better time to go travelling solo now, then having other responsibilities in your later 20’s, like your job, climbing the corporate ladder, getting positional goods, scrambling to buy a car and a house. When?” I sounded like a broken recorder on replay. Looping for a good few minutes. I definitely didn’t want to forget how badly I wanted to leave and travel out of Singapore. 2013 and 2014 was tough enough, really.

It’s terrifying, but a good type of terrifying, i suppose.

If I had to sum it up, the take away of June for me, would be that “I am learning everyday, to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me”. I hope my upcoming trip will be an eye opener, and a chance for me to take a step out of my comfort zone. Till then, I’ve got about 4 days of work, 5 more days to my brother’s wedding, and 6 more days till I fly off.

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Sent D off to the airport today while she goes to the land of my ancestors for two whole weeks (that being China)! “Have you practiced your ching chong language? (I can say that because I’m chinese)” hahahaha.  Stay safe guuuuurrlllll.

xx

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