You’re not you

I like the deafening silence at 1.08am, as I open my windows and look outside. Facing an empty car park doesn’t seem that scary now, considering all the construction has made the area brightly lit. The moon shines through the sky too, captivating me in silence.

The week for me just ended and I feel every inch of my body slowing to shut down mode. It’s been a long week of falling sick, falling short, being stuck on antibiotics and so on. But it’s also been a time where I realize I might have been wrong. That sometimes, expecting something in return doesn’t always have to end up in disappointment. It is about getting one’s bearings before we know where we stand in the hearts of the ones we love.  It is the shocking realization that the idea of it being all about you, but now realizing -the fight was never yours to win. You lose some, you win some. That’s what give and take means, right?

During my medical leave, I lay in bed watching You’re not you. And guess what? It strung a chord with me. ALS is something no one thinks they can suffer from, but can you imagine, or empathize as your body degenerates, muscles shrivel as you slowly wither in pain before death? As your whole life and relationships fall apart? Does that terrify you?

Definitely a movie worth catching.

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