On toxic people

“Talk to her. She’s your friend too.”

I scoff. I don’t think anyone realizes my scoff is hiding behind a deep sense of disappointment that I feel. I don’t think anyone can understand what it means to be in my situation, but I’m sure if they knew the story, they’d be able to empathize. Sometimes, when betrayal forms that deep within, even a sorry doesn’t count as an apology and no amount of time can let you forget what happened between the two of you. It has been made clear to me that emotions of the heart are never to be trifled with, and though there are always sides, there is always a choice to do the right thing. Or the socially accepted action. Always.

There are no amount of words in me to wish that what had happened between us never did, and that you had no malicious intent in doing what you did. But the truth of the matter is, what you did really, really hurt. I did not see it coming, I did not believe that it was you when I found out. I forgave you a long time ago, but I just can’t ever bring myself to be ever that close to you again.

It’s sad because I imagined all of you there with me as we grew old together. Making little jokes and laughing over each other’s days. There are days when I miss all of us together. But I know we’ve grown too much apart now, and as difficult as it might be, I know that I have a right to remove all the people i deem toxic out of my life.

I just never expected you to be one of them.

I hope one day when we run by each other on the road I’d be able to look at you and smile. We’d make niceties and offer to meet up but the realistic fact and sad truth of it all is that we both know, deep inside.

That this ship has sailed a long, long time ago.

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