I spent all of my Saturday sleeping, lying in bed and doing the most dreaded single 22 year olds’ do on a Saturday- think. It didn’t help that I had plans to be somewhere, but the events of the past week have left me exhausted and I knew that called for some desperate time to be alone to recuperate. Not to mention, I was needed at home to do some redecorating, so. My bad?
I lay in bed half the morning waving in and out of sleep, and I thought long and hard about the choices we make as humans, as well as all the labeling that comes with age and how hard it has been ingrained in us that we need to judge and label one another to know where we stand. I’ve come to notice that I still label people, and though that is something I am actively trying to change- I realize it is extremely difficult to do so, considering our culture and environment has already brought us up like that. It isn’t impossible, just difficult.
Someone close to me had her heart broken in the span of this week, and it was painful to watch. I wanted to talk to her and listen to her talk, but each time I got close to her, no words came out. I was terrified I’d say the wrong thing, so I decided I’ll clam up instead. Eventually, she talked first and through her words I felt her pain and it was extremely heart wrenching because there was nothing I could do about it but empathize and listen.
I wouldn’t lie to say that it brought me back to my yesteryear’s and that wasn’t a good place to visit. But as I reflected back on the hard times, I notice that i made it out alive and I’m sure she has it in her to make out out of there too. It’s really a personal self hell hole created in our minds where we leave ourselves to die. Morbidly. And boy does it take time to scrape and climb ourselves out of that hole to reclaim our self worth and self esteem.
As a child, love used to be something so easy to do. “I like you.” ,”I want to be friends with you.” , “Let’s meet at the playground to play.”. But now, all the social conformity, labeling and second hand guessing while growing up has gotten in the way that it’s extremely frustrating to even bother because there are so many blurred lines, in between guessing and half heartless other halves.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that in today’s context- love is difficult. It isn’t something that comes by everyday and it isn’t something that just works out. It’s hard work, dedication and it takes guts and loads of commitment.
But at the end of it all, among all the pain, frustration and never ending heart ache, I’d like to believe love is still after all, worth the run.
To the girl who had her heart broken, it will all work out at the right time. Have faith in yourself and that you’d know when it’s the right time.
“If it works out, be happy! If it doesn’t, remember that you have done your best. Don’t look back again and move forward.”
I only want the best for the people I care about. I think they deserve only the best, and I hope I can be around to remind them that each time they think otherwise.